


That discussion

by FezofRassilon



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 13th doctor critical, Confrontation, Other, resolution spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 02:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17315981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FezofRassilon/pseuds/FezofRassilon
Summary: After the events of Resolution, Graham has a discussion with the Doctor about why she's allowed to kill Daleks but why he had to let Tim Shaw live.





	That discussion

“Oi, Graham. No swearing in the TARDIS.”

“I just stubbed my toe. What was I supposed to do?”

The Doctor seemed to tower over him as he clutched his aching foot.

“It’s amazing architecture but the floors aren’t half uneven.”

“Are you insulting my TARDIS? You don’t insult the TARDIS. It’s one of my rules.”

“Right.” Graham straightened up, his back giving him some resistance. “The rules.”

The Doctor was swanning around the TARDIS console, darting semi-frantically from one panel to the next, like a child dipping through boxes of Lego. All of it presumably to build some sort of contraption. Though she seemed to be making noise enough for ten people, the TARDIS was curiously empty. Just her and Graham.

“Where’s Ryan, Doc?”

“You just missed him. He went with Yaz. It’s Sheffield outside. Your timezone.” The Doctor shot him a smile as if to say _I am paying attention to you, but I’m also doing this_. “Catching up with school friends, I think. You can go too if you want. Do whatever bus drivers do. Did I say I flew a bus once? Don’t worry about me, I can go have an adventure and be back for tea. Tea at Yaz’s. Love that that’s a tradition now.”

Graham hadn’t moved.

“Actually, Doc. I want to talk to you about something.”

“Great. Love talking, me.”

She’d put down whatever she was working on, but it was still touching her hand, ready to be picked up at a moment’s notice.

“That Dalek fella. The one you swept into space. Do you want to talk about that? That can’t have been easy.”

“It’s never easy, Graham.” She looked up and stared into his eye with the intensity of a professional and the slightest hint of a smirk. “But it’s not my first Dalek.”

“Right.” It felt like she’d knocked him back a bit. He hadn’t expected that. “You’ve done that before, then?”

“Not like that exactly. But yes. I’ve killed Daleks before. They don’t give me much of a choice.”

“What about your rule? About not killing? About being the better man? What about Tim Shaw?”

“You didn’t kill him, though, did you Graham? I was dead proud of you for that. You were the better man that day, Graham.”

“Well, yeah, Doc, but the other man had wiped out four planets. Forgive me for suggesting this, but wouldn’t I have been the better man even if I had killed-”

“Graham O’Brien, we’ve talked about this.”

“Yes we have. But that was before the tables were turned. That thing was threatening Earth, so you killed it. Where was that morality when it was Tim Shaw?”

“Killing leaves a mark on the soul, Graham.”

“Yeah, but when it comes to it, my soul’s not worth a planet’s worth of people, is it? Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t do it, but it wouldn’t make me wrong. And I reckon I’d sleep easier with him dead than all the people of Earth.”

“We find a better way, Graham.” Glare. “It’s what we do.”

“What if there was no better way, Doc? What if I’d missed? What if he’d killed Ryan? Because I’m not like you. I can’t build an electromagnetic whatsit out of bits of robot. I can barely figure out my computer. How am I supposed to find a better way?”

“Graham O’Brien, you had better not be trying to figure out when it is or is not okay to kill, because the answer is never. It is never okay. And if you don’t understand that, the door’s right there.”

The TARDIS doors snapped open at her very thought. The last time Graham had seen her this riled, she’d been talking to a Dalek.

“You know, when you told me I’d never travel with you again if I did it, I thought I could do it. I thought it would be worth it. I thought, I could live in that house, that big old house, with only the ghost of Grace for company, because she’d be happy, she’d be at rest. But I didn’t. And it’s not because I’m the better man. It’s because I’m a coward, Doc. And I think you are too.”

The Doctor almost shrank at that. Never cruel or cowardly, graham thought he’d heard her say. Where does killing fit in with that?

“I won’t pretend I’m not happy that Dalek’s dead. And I won’t pretend that I’m some sort of moral authority, because I’m not; I’m a bloke that drives a bus, and we all know there’s been some rotters in that profession. But you are, or at least, you are to Ryan. He’ll do whatever you tell him. He’s not like that with anyone but Grace. I just don’t want him to be misled.”

A damning pause.

“You think I’ll mislead him?” The fury was gone from her voice.

The doors remained very much open.

“Frankly, yes. I think you want to save the universe but you don’t want to get your hands dirty. There are bad people out there, and I know you can stop them, but all you do is frown.”

“I stopped that Dalek, didn’t I?”

“We stopped that Dalek, Doc. Us and a microwave oven. I remember you checked with us first, too. You asked us if it was okay to overturn your rule, before we fried that thing. Well is it a rule or not, because you made us complicit in that. And you let Ryan risk his life for your plan.”

“What Ryan did was good and noble! And entirely his own choice.” She realised it was a mistake the moment she said it.

“He was saving his dad’s life! From the woman who was going to throw him into a black hole! He was doing what he thought you’d do! What if he’d tripped? He has dyspraxia and these floors are terrible! So yes, I’m insulting your TARDIS, and I’m swearing, because who knows, maybe these are just more of those rules you make up on the fly. You know, I was going to leave this ship for good. But I can’t, because I have to know that if some thingum or doo-da from the planet Zed comes after my Ryan, you’d tear it in half. And until I can trust you to do that, I’m going to stay right here to do it for you. And so help me, Doc, if you’re the person putting him in danger, I’ll do it to you too.”

The Doctor wasn’t looking at him anymore. She was looking at her feet, her fringe falling and obscuring her face. He’d never seen her like this before. Never cruel or cowardly, Graham? Which were you being? But it would be cowardly not to bring it up.

 “Sandwich, Doc? I’ve got a spare.”

She didn’t look up, but she extended a hand. He thought he might have heard a mumbled ‘thanks’ as he put it in her hand. It stayed in her hand, but it had fallen to her side.

What was this? Was this a heavy realisation? Was it sulking? Depression? He’d known the Doc to bounce back from worse. And no doubt she would when she saw Yaz or Ryan again. Graham, you’ve never been good at this sort of thing. If a kid didn’t have fare one day, you’d pay for it out of your own pocket. You’re not one for telling people off.

But Grace was.

“I don’t like the idea of Ryan travelling with you, but I can’t stop him. God help me. I’m not even his real grandpa.” A sigh. “Be worthy of him, Doc.”

In the end, he thought it best to leave the TARDIS. Not forever, but just long enough to get a pint and a meal and get this out of his system. He was grateful when the TARDIS doors didn’t slam behind him.

But even outside, he couldn’t shake the idea that somewhere in the depths of space, Tim Shaw had got out of his prison somehow and was murdering more Graces and more Ryans.

Way back then, on that train to Sheffield, he wondered, what if the Doctor had never shown up? Never crashed through that roof like an act of God? That metal tentacle thing was after Karl, wasn’t it? It could’ve taken him instead, left Grace alone. No one would have died but Karl, and even then he’d just be stuck in a freezer-jail. Was that better than death? Who knew. But Tim Shaw would’ve gone home. He’d never go to that plant, Ranskoor whatever, he’d never have met the Ux and four planets would still be alive. And Grace would never have died.

Was it the Doctor’s fault? No, Graham couldn’t blame her for that. She’d done everything right, he knew, that day, until she got on that crane. And let him live; that creep that put a bomb in Ryan.

When he’d been in that hospital, having all those chemicals forced into his system, Grace had stayed by his side and talked him through it, his hand in hers. When he felt so weak he wanted to quit, she’d told him, in no uncertain terms, you sit down, Graham O’Brien. If you don’t let this kill all your cancer cells, if you leave even one alone, the cancer will spread, and it’ll be bigger and badder and deadlier than ever before.  

No, he couldn’t bring Grace back, but he could make sure no more innocents died.


End file.
